Deciding what to do with Life is hard...
So being in Nashville, meeting all these amazing people, hearing awesome, God inspired bands lead worship and perform is therapeutic...it also makes me ache for something more in my own life. I know God is in control, and I know that the condition of my spiritual life is more important than the satisfaction of my earthly desires. But my mind says, "If God wants my desire for my physical life to change, then why does He take so much time?" And "if he wants my desire to stay the same, why doesn't he allow those desires to come to fruition. I'm torn between waiting on God and thinking that by just SITTING AROUND doing nothing I'm wasting His and my time. I'm a man of action, and I don't like to think that my actions are less important than my words. I feel like Tucson is a million miles from anything and everything, except for my family and friends, which relatively FEW are at all involved in the Christian music industry. So if my desire hasn't changed in 8 years, and I am open to His changing of my desires, but I still fail to truly advance in my art and resources are few and far between, what am I supposed to think??? I feel like I'm getting HUGE mixed signals and can't figure out ANYTHING of what God wants to tell me.
So what do I do? Just sit and wait? I can't describe to you this ache in my heart to work in the area of my passion...meeting these people stirs that passion from a gentle stream to a raging river within me and I have no raft to ride the rapids... How do you channel a passion when you have no remote to make sure you're even ON the right channel???
I feel lost, without a chisel to chip away the stone of my creativity; fighting the forest fire of my burning passion, but I have no firesuit to be protected from the flames; like I'm drowning in my own ocean of desire to serve God through the medium of the Christian music industry... I need help.
Maybe it's patience, maybe it's initiative, maybe it's support, maybe it's a lifesytle change alltogether...
Any suggestions???
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